How can moms balance home and work?

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Anne-Marie Slaughter was the first female as the director of policy planning at the U.S. State Department. It was a high-profile career, a dream job and an example to other women, but she wanted to be with her family. She said that even while she was at the “United Nations’ annual assemblage of every foreign minister and head of state in the world” she couldn’t stop thinking about her 14-year old son. He had just started school and was “resuming what had become his pattern of skipping homework, disrupting classes, failing math, and tuning out any adult who tried to reach him.” Later on she saw her career becoming her second priority. She said, “I realized that I didn’t just need to go home. Deep down, I wanted to go home. I wanted to be able to spend time with my children in the last few years that they are likely to live at home, crucial years for their development into responsible, productive, happy, and caring adults.” 

Is it impossible to have a family and work at the same time? The forward thinkers of today seem to think that women can do everything they want to all at the same time. When Slaughter mentioned her desires with other women, they criticized her for leaving a role that could inspire women and looked down on her for not being able to manage it all. At the end of the article she gives her formula for a woman who wants to balance being a mother and having a career. She advises these professional women to take their time getting to the top. It includes starting early on your career, taking a job with “maximum flexibility and control over [your] time” while they are young, and then move to higher “positions of maximum authority and demands on [your] time” when the children are out of the house. Why Women Still Can’t Have It All

While family should always be a priority, each woman can do that in a different way. It is possible to balance home and a career, but there will have to be some sacrifices. For Slaughter, it meant delaying her career while focusing on her kids. For others, it may mean working somewhere with flexible hours or making the most of the time they have at home. For some it may mean giving most of the care of the children to the father and making specific time to spend with the family.

Women who are required to work

I know some women who do not want to work, but are required to because of various circumstances. My friend’s mother was put into this situation when her husband unexpectedly passed away.

President Gordon B. Hinkley said that he realized that some women have to provide for their families. He said, “To you I say, do the very best you can… The greatest job that any mother will ever do will be in nurturing, teaching, lifting, encouraging, and rearing her children in righteousness and truth. None other can adequately take her place.” Women of the Church

One family I know felt deeply that the wife should go to work and the husband stayed home with the children. I admire them for following promptings they felt came from God. The husband later had a stroke in which he lost all his memory. It was a blessing for them that the wife was providing for the family at that time. Although I am sure it was a life-altering experience, they didn’t have the added stress of suddenly having the wife to find a way to support the family.

It was a blessing for them that the wife was providing for the family at that time.

Another lady, Dr. Tamara Fackrell, was inspired to go back to school while her children were young. She went to law school, ended up with a PhD in Marriage, Family, and Human Development and now is an Attorney-Mediator with the goal to “empower people throughout the world to strengthen their families and marriages.” She gives motivational talks, sells books and has helped tens of thousands of couples with their marriages. Along with that, she has 6 children. She was speaking to us in a devotional and she told us that is not easy. It is hard to balance spending time with her children and doing what she feels is her other mission in life: helping marriages. She said that God was the one who inspired her to do this and He is the one who is supporting her. Because she relies on Him, He has blessed her with a gift to manage all that is going on and still has time to be with her children.

Advice from people who have dealt with this

Jane M. Grant-Kels, M.D., FAAD and Professor of Dermatology, Pathology, and Pediatrics also wrote an article on balancing work life and children. She specifically mentioned making time for your own hobbies and well-being as well as hiring someone to do menial tasks at home so you can have more time with your children.

Her main point was to spend time with the children. Dr. Grant-Kels said, “In my opinion, and that of others, quality time does not substitute for old-fashioned quantity of time when it comes to children. To think otherwise is to fool yourself and be ultimately disappointed at lost opportunities. Efficiency at work, creative scheduling, and some flexibility is required but manageable in the current work environment to ensure that we are present in our children’s lives.” Lean in or Out: It is a tough balancing act, or my 10 best pieces of advice for women physicians

I reached out to a few women and men to see how they have managed to balance family life and work. All agreed that it was not easy, but they had a few tips on what they did to make it work for them.

  • Try to find a job where there is some amount of flexibility: A boss who understands if there is a family emergency or hours that can be squished into all hours of the day. Speak with your boss about what you can do in an emergency situation. It can be better if those conversations happen before the emergency.
  • Plan out family events and dinners. Schedule in time for the family.
  • Schedule in time to relax. Take long walks or baths. Give time to yourself.
  • Find out how you work best. Make lists for each day and congratulate yourself each time you mark something off. But be flexible to change that list as the day goes on.
  • Work at work. Be at home when you are at home. Be strict with your work schedule and let it stop when you are done.
  • Accept your best and what works for you. Your life will not look the same as someone else’s and comparison will not help. It’s ok not to be perfect.
  • This is a team effort. Work with your spouse, a neighbor, a friend, or a babysitter to help you out. You can’t do it alone.
  • Be there at the important moments each day: getting ready in the morning, going to school, and coming home from activities. Make the most of these small moments. Be there when they walk in the door and ask about how their day or activity went.
  • Be ok with missing out on some things. Balance doesn’t happen every day but can be achieved over time. Be patient.
  • Be grateful for the small things. Working can show your family how important they are to you. Let them know why you are working and strive as a family to spend time together.
  • Know that as long as a child knows that he/she is loved, you are doing a tremendous job.

I believe that the last point is the most important: As long as the child knows you love them, you are doing a tremendous job. Elder Russell M. Nelson cautioned, “We can’t all do all things.” (Lessons from Eve) What a sobering thought to those who feel that doing everything is required of them. Decide what is your highest priority. Then strive to get at least that done. Everything else will fall into place.

Decide what is your highest priority. Then strive to get at least that done. Everything else will fall into place.

“You can’t possibly do this alone,” said Elder Jeffery R. Holland, “but you do have help. The Master of Heaven and Earth is there to bless you—He who resolutely goes after the lost sheep, sweeps thoroughly to find the lost coin, waits everlastingly for the return of the prodigal son. Yours is the work of salvation, and therefore you will be magnified, compensated, made more than you are and better than you have ever been as you try to make honest effort, however feeble you may sometimes feel that to be.” Because She is a Mother

While managing to work and care for a family may be difficult, I know that with God’s help, these mothers will be enabled to help nurture their children because, “with God, all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26) Because family is God’s highest priority, it should also be ours. If personal circumstances or needs require that a mother work, with God’s help she will be able to nurture her children despite limited time with them. If God is the “Master of Heaven and Earth” and can command the elements, He can create miracles in your family.